1. iknowalotaboutnothing:

    How to Understand an INFJ

    1. Originally located here:  Modalities of Existence via inexpubnabilis: Thank you!!
    2. These collected observations of INFJ’s still hold true for anyone getting to know an INFJ.  We are consistent to our own internal organization. There is a method to our madness, unique to each of us.
    3. I’ve adapted & edited these as they fit w/myself.  Apologies to Modalities of Existence, hope you don’t mind.  We are terribly aware, of just how different we are from everyone else, (read: we already feel like freaks, you don’t have to tell us, we already know).
    4. I am comfortable and accepting of who I am, it’s nice when others are also and they reciprocate w/their own acceptance.
    • For most INFJs, omitting or distorting information is equivalent to lying, and at the very least will rouse their suspicion. INFJs have an acute sensitivity for stories which don’t quite fit. At the same time, INFJs also like to assume the best, while preparing for the worst, and a few can be extremely gullible. INFJ’s might be burned badly once.  We don’t let twice happen.
    • INFJs are adept at nonverbal communication (eye gaze, touching, body language, etc.). Just because they’re not speaking doesn’t mean they’re not saying something. We speak across all levels & spectrums all the time, all at the same time in addition to words. It’s perfectly normal for INFJ’s.
    • Don’t violate our personal space unless specifically invited in, we will immediately withdraw.
    • INFJs have an extremely complex internal value system. An INFJ will see if you ‘fit’ into their world, and they’ll bend their own rules if they really like you. INFJs tend to have very high standards, but are also very accepting once they trust you and know you’re safe.
    • INFJs can be pretty intense emotionally. This isn’t to say that they can get into a heated argument, in fact INFJs avoid conflict, however they are easily hurt and feel very deeply - we choose very carefully if, when, and whom we share our pain with. 
    • Experienced INFJ’s do not shy from conflict when necessary, they actually moderate and become better at moderating conflict or disagreement. We prefer to bring people together.
    • INFJ’s normal and consistent response to conflict or disagreement is to resolve it, meeting in the middle, willing and often compromising, unless it encroaches on their values.
    • INFJs are weird / odd / strange / extremely rare and they very much know it. They yearn to be understood and want to be accepted as they are (as most people do, of course). An INFJ is incredibly complex, so complex they confuse even themselves. They almost always feel misunderstood and ‘hidden’. They will be offended if you pass them off as ‘simple’ or ‘average’. 
    • Getting to know an INFJ takes work, so be prepared for that. A lot of gentle enquiry is required.
    • INFJs can often mimic other types, and are often mistaken for other types because of their overriding concern for others.  It will often compel them to reach out.
    • INFJs are typically better in writing than in verbal communication.  Practice in public speaking helps overcome this, many become comfortable with verbal communication and are quite articulate in professional and personal settings.  We often prefer to listen.  If you want to know an INFJ’s true feelings, ask them to write out what they think and feel.
    • INFJs don’t typically engage in casual relationships. Most of them will become too attached for it to be possible. If your intentions aren’t serious then you should probably steer clear of an INFJ unless it’s very obvious beforehand that they aren’t interested in a serious relationship.
    • An INFJ’s allegiance is no trifle. If an INFJ wants to stick by you, it means they really like you. Do not violate that gift.
    • INFJs consciously choose the people that are close to them. They would rather have a few very close friendships as opposed to numerous superficial ones.
    • They open up at a dinosauric pace. They typically hold themselves back and consider that behaviour to be part of their nature. They’ve been described as having ‘layers’ which only a select few people are privy to, the closer the layer to their heart, the fewer people are granted access. Do not expect to find yourself in the ‘top tier’ overnight. It often takes months or years to access the deepest recesses.
    • INFJs, like other idealists, love harmony. While an INFJ is relatively adept at conflict resolution, they do not appreciate the unneeded creation of conflict. An INFJ will strive for harmony.
    • The ‘N’ combined with the ‘J’ in INFJ means that they are future oriented.Do everything you can to make yourself seem like a long-term option. If you become destructively impulsive, an INFJ will lose the ability to see you as a long-term mate, and will become unhappy as a result. INFJs are future-oriented and have powerful imaginations and superb insight.
    • INFJs are extremely sensitive. Make sure that criticism is handed as lightly as possible and constructively. At the same time, INFJs love to please their partner, and will work on an issue if presented in the right way. When to be blunt with an INFJ: never. Be honest and direct, but there’s a fine line between direct and insensitive.
    • INFJs love helping people. If you’re bad at accepting help (yes, accepting help is a skill), then get ready to have problems. To reject an INFJ’s help is to reject them, and one of the things they hold nearest to their hearts.
    • An INFJ’s ability to help people goes hand-in-hand with their ability to destroy people. Their keen knowledge of people’s weaknesses means they can either help you incredibly or destroy you.  However, destroying isextremely rare and is only reserved for people they believe have done serious harm to them or others.
    • They need patience but they give patience in return.
    • They’re gracious & curious about other people. To their friends, they are very accepting. However, the closer one gets to an INFJ’s heart, the more their standards will apply to the other person, which can sometimes create issues.
    • They often have darker periods where they close up. They can become monk-like and reclusive. It doesn’t mean they don’t like you, it just means they need to recharge.
    • They can be stubborn once they believe they’re in the right, especially if it has to do with their values.
    • INJFs hardly ever initiate anything. They like it when the other person initiates a conversation, contact, etc.
    • INFJs need 2 things to thrive: trust and safety. Trusting you is about knowing that you’re ethically and morally upstanding (or at least in accordance with their values), and feeling safe is knowing that you’ll stick by them. INFJs don’t want to open up to people who might disappear overnight. If an INFJ feels they can trust you and feels safe with you, they’ll be very happy. The only added bonus is to tell them how much you appreciate them.
    • Their energy drains when around others. They will need time alone to ‘feel like themselves’.
    • Your energy will easily affect them. If you seem unstable, etc., it will seep into them and poison them. It has often been said that an INFJ’s partner has to be strong, and this is generally true.
    • INFJs live in a world of hopeful possibilities, and they make those possibilities happen, both professionally and personally. They can have problems consolidating their idealism with the reality of the world, but will not give it up.  It’s their greatest gift that motivates them and others.
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      INFJs are adept at nonverbal communication (eye gaze, touching, body language, etc.). Just because they’re not speaking...
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      "INFJs consciously choose the people to whom they become close."
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